You may or may not be aware of this well-kept secret. From an educational standpoint, the last week of school is awash. Nothing happening. Stay-and-Play-Time. If you think your Little Jonnie or Jane is getting massive doses of genius-producing instruction during the last week of the school year, then I’ve got a statue in New York Harbor that I’m hoping I can interest you in. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it ain’t happenin’.
No, my friend, the last week of school seems to be used for a plethora of other reasons, equally as vital as the 3 R’s. Once you hear what we teachers REALLY do with your children as we watch the countdown clock, you’ll agree that the last week is mighty important indeed.
For example:
The last week of school is vital to the Lost and Found box getting pawed through and emptied. The items claimed don’t necessarily belong to the claimees, but at this point, who really cares? Just get it outta here!
Another necessary reason for the last week of school is for the school cook to clean the freezers out (and the industrial-size refrigerators). I love how the menu reads “cook’s choice.” That’s code for it-might-be-a-wee-bit-outdated-but-if-you-get-a-touch-of-food-poisoning-it-doesn’t-really-matter-at-this-point-‘cause-I-won’t-see-you-till-fall-anyway. (Just kidding, Pam. Everything is as fresh and delicious as ever! You are the BEST).
A third reason for school’s last week is on-the-job training for our students to hone their movie review skills. If there’s a Disney or Pixar flick that is floating around out there, we are ON IT. We are going to watch them all and spend school hours that are in short supply this last week to keep our loved ones from renting or purchasing any movie that might get a thumbs-down. This morning during our Salad Celebration (we grew our own lettuce and devoured it before our trip to the zoo. Zoo trips fall under reason #7), the first grade watched the first half of Robots. Fear not, we will try to finish it tomorrow, our last day of school. We teachers cannot trust parents to get in acceptable amounts of movie viewing time for their children, so we take it upon ourselves to get the recommended daily dose of animated fare. Just glad I can do my part.
Reason four: When else can we get our double-dose recess time in other than this last week of school? (Teacher thinks) OK, the movie didn’t QUITE fill the morning hours before lunch. What to do, what to do….. I KNOW! “Children, let’s line up for recess.” (Children respond) “AGAIN??? Awwwww, we want another movie!”
There are even MORE equally good reasons for the last week. The last week of school is notoriously famous (at least in our school) for playing pranks on each other. The one that springs to my mind is when the senior graduating class was asked to step onto the front lawn for a yearbook picture. The poor unsuspecting graduates were smiling like movie stars when the junior class (who had been waiting gleefully on the roof), poured buckets of water over the class of 2009. The funniest part is, the yearbook photographer took her job seriously and kept snapping away throughout. The slow motion pictures of that prank are hilarious.
Reason #6: If we didn’t have the last week of school, when would we possibly get in every awards ceremony, banquet, and potluck known to man? Somewhere in the cosmos is an unwritten rule that they MUST be conducted during the last week of school. Otherwise they don’t count (or something). I don’t fully understand it all, I just know that the timing is crucial. So the last week it is.
I’m not done. There’s more. The last week needs to be the crucible for class field trips. Now I hasten to add that in our case (I refer to the Northern Prairie), we don’t shovel out from a snow bank until roughly the last week of school, so it only makes sense in our case (AND, there are only so many movies out there to view). But I’m guessing that this rule is common to most school districts the world over.
And finally, the top reason that the last week of school is vital to the educational process is…(are you ready?) It’s the time when teachers get to have Jeans Day ALL WEEK. For whatever reason, we teachers absolutely live for Jeans Day. So it only makes sense that an entire week of wearing jeans daily somehow makes our entire professional lives worthwhile.
Well, there you have it. I think I have incontrovertibly proved that the last week of school is not only important, the entire educational system actually hinges on it.
I’m catching on to this teaching thing quite well, thank you.
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