Today the fulcrum found perfect center. I felt relaxed, able to tackle long-ignored projects, and RESTED. How I have longed for the opportunity to get enough sleep! Since the last day of school, I have been sleeping like a hound dog on an Arkansas porch. My supply of adrenalin has carried me thus far, but I noticed the last couple of weeks of school that I felt tired the entire day. I would awake exhausted and fight sleepiness all day. I knew my body was breaking down and just hoped that I would make it till the final day of school without illness. I fought a cold for a week or so, but Zycam, prayer, and sheer grit got me through.
I have been amazingly busy since that final day, but today I claimed as my own. And so, this morning I slept till seven, had a leisurely breakfast, and then did whatever I wanted. I chose to clean bathrooms and do laundry. Not very exciting or glamorous, but the point is, I had the freedom to CHOOSE. For the first time in two years, my day was a blank slate. I had the joyous privilege of scribbling in whatever I wanted. It felt fabulous! I puttered outside here and there, watered my freshly planted annuals, and just savored the feeling of relaxed activity. The mundane never felt so good.
And then it hit me. At the end of every school year, I get a three-month vacation. Three months!! How cool is THAT?! I can look forward to this same glorious experience every summer. I’M LOVIN’ IT. Is teaching a great gig, or what?? Why don’t more people choose teaching, I wonder?
But the crowning moment came about mid-afternoon. I was talking on the phone with my mother, another woefully neglected area of my life, when my cell phone rang. My husband’s number showed on the display screen and I handed the phone to my daughter to answer so that I could keep talking to mom uninterrupted. I could hear John’s voice rise when Hannah told him I was busy with another call. I put mom on hold and took the call. He said Trevor had been injured. Could I run him into the emergency room? Of course!! Trevor had been pounding on a beam in the barn they were renovating and a chunk of wood had split off and hit him square in the eye. His eye was filling with blood and his vision was cloudy. I hung up with mom, threw on a clean shirt and grabbed my purse.
As I sat first in the walk-in clinic, and then the ER, I was reminded of what a privilege it was to have been available at that moment to care for my family. My old convictions of putting children first rose to the forefront. I AM first and foremost a mother. My new career is a distant second to anything else in my life. It felt GOOD to spend the ensuing three hours totally devoted to Trevor with no feelings of guilt for the break in study, and no distracted thoughts for what awaited me at home. When the call came I was just getting ready to put screens in the windows. Screens can wait. No big deal.
When I look back at how intense the last two years have been, I marvel at how I was able to withstand my crazy schedule. I really had to accept the feeling of not doing everything to my standards. I had no balance. My house never felt clean enough, my parenting never felt adequate enough, and my sleep levels were always ridiculously depleted. But survive I did. When my children tell me that school is hard or stressful, I can honestly say, “Yeah, I know. But you CAN do it. Follow my example.”
Today felt good. It felt better than good. It was a rich reward after a long season of work and exhaustion. I planned my day and didn’t sweat an interruption.
Balance is back and it feels amazing.
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