10 p.m. Ramblings

 This was a rough day.  Not even sure I can tell you why.  I had my lesson plans prepared.  I arrived early (as usual).  Nothing momentus or terrible happened today.  But I sit here at the end of the school day, and I am just worn out.  I don’t mean just physically.  I mean mentally, emotionally, and maybe even spiritually.  I am discouraged and overwhelmed.  Nice drama, huh?  Just being gut-honest here.  It wouldn’t take much to lay my head down on my littered, sticky desk and have a good cry.  If you know me at all, you know I’m not much of a crier.  So things must be pretty bad in Camp Vonda.

(Sigh……).  OK, a little self-analysis might be in order here.  I think it began when I walked into the teacher’s workroom and suddenly became painfully aware that others were sitting together in a cozy group, having a leisurely chat about everything and nothing.  And the question hit me like a ton of bricks….”What am I doing wrong?”  Everyone else seems so together and organized and I am continually running around like a chicken with its head cut off (which is a VERY funny sight, to be perfectly honest.  My apologies to animal-lovers everywhere).

That watershed moment has launched a long day of self-doubt and questioning.  Am I really doing this teaching thing correctly, or am I planning and doing, and planning and doing to the point of ridiculous?  Somebody help me here, ‘cause I just don’t know.  I need some honest feedback from my mentors (I was assigned one at the very beginning, which is awesome!  I know he’ll be honest and objective with me). 

It’s not that I mind working hard.  I thrive on it.  But I really hate wasted effort, so if I am overdoing it, and it doesn’t translate into increased learning on the part of my students, then what’s the point?  (Sigh again)  So many questions….

OK, so my melancholy might be partially due to other factors as well.  My poor overtaxed immune system finally raised the white flag of surrender to the legions of viruses bombarding it and I now officially don’t feel great.  Not sick really, just under the weather.  School-wide the kids have been dropping like flies.  The official diagnosis is Its Not Strep. 

Reason #2:  I discovered this morning that I may have been the victim of identity theft.  No, I’m not kidding.  My husband called me at work first thing and said the credit card company had called about “suspicious activity” on our card.  Two Amtrack tickets had been purchased using our account.  Were we aware of this purchase?  John wanted to know if I knew anything about it.  I answered with the first thing that popped into my head.  “Shucks, you uncovered my plan to escape!”  Yeah, if I were going somewhere, I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be by Amtrack.  Soooo, we’ll see how big of a hassle this ends up being.  A train trip to nowhere may not seem like such a bad idea by the time it all shakes out.  

 I really need to get more serious about protecting sensitive information.  Trevor said to me once in shocked disapproval, “You carry a file folder in your purse labeled 'passwords'?  Mom, is this a good idea?”  Probably not, but passwords are such an inconvenience.  Know what I mean? 

So here I am at the end of the day, tired, feeling yucky, without a credit card until the new ones arrive (yikes, I’m getting the shakes and starting to hallucinate!), and full of questions and self-doubt concerning my efficiency as a teacher.  I think there’s just one thing to do…. Call it a day and hope that tomorrow brings refreshed white blood cells, answers to my questions, and a thief at the end of the proverbial rails. 

Good Night.