Boomerang

My private Facebook message was ominously titled, “Blackmail.”  That put a smile on my face.  Very intriguing.  I had just posted my latest blog entry about my missing report cards.  Eaten with curiosity, I eagerly clicked on my message box.  Its simple message confessed to being the recipient of seven freshly recorded first grade report cards.  They had come to be in this parent’s possession via a homework folder sent by me.  The parent thought maybe I had wanted them to see their child’s progress compared to the rest of the class. They never gave it a second thought until they read my post. Did I want them back? 

Images flashed through my memory of that fateful afternoon.  Yes, I was SURE I had remembered setting them on my desk.  Hallelujah, I’m not losing my mind after all! (Well, not entirely).  I must have also stacked a pile of send-home papers on top of them and inadvertently threw the whole kit and kaboodle into said folder.  Such an idiot!!  Sigh…..

In my defense, have you ever spent the last few minutes of a school day in a first grade classroom?  No? It is unparalleled mania spelled C-H-A-O-S.  “Mrs. Dahl, I can’t find my other sock!”  (Why aren’t you wearing socks)?  “Mrs. Dahl, Sammy is wearing my boots!”  (They don’t look anything like your boots and they’re two sizes to small).  “Mrs. Dahl, Johnny just wiped a booger on my homework!”  (Well, I guess its better than eating it).   “Mrs. Dahl, I THINK I’m supposed to ride to my friend’s house today.  Can you go call my mom to make sure?”   “Mrs. Dahl, I have to go to the bathroom!”  Mrs. Dahl, Steven just tripped me!  (Steven says) “He fell on my foot!  And now it really hurts!  Can you go get an ice pack for me?”  “Mrs. Dahl, I forgot to tell you that I’m going to be gone for the next week and my mom wants you to send all my homework with me tonight.  Oh, and I have to go the bathroom.”  It’s a bona fide miracle I didn’t throw half the contents of my desk and our new pet caterpillars in there as well. 

Well, mystery solved.  Too late, of course to do any good.  The “fake” report cards were mailed out last week.  Seven sets of parents asked the same question, probably simultaneously,  “Does this chick know what she’s doing???”  (Survey says……)

And so it ends.  I’m a little wiser and for sure a heap more humbled.  Word of advice to those considering teaching as a career….learn to laugh at yourself (and hire a personal assistant).